


part of me

by Cartecka



Series: Apartment in Portland [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 21:06:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8416693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartecka/pseuds/Cartecka
Summary: Another short one-shot. Tobin wakes up alone one morning.





	

Christen isn’t in bed when Tobin wakes up. It’s rare that they ever wake up apart when they’re not across the country from each other and it feels wrong. The apartment is colder than Tobin likes it so it takes a little bit of courage to drag herself out of the bed. A shiver runs down her spine as soon as she does. 

“The things I do for love,” she thinks but it’s not like she really minds. Christen will warm her up if she gets too cold.

Christen isn’t in the apartment. Instead, she’s sitting out on the balcony in the near freezing Portland winter. She’s wearing one of those warm and soft Nike sweatshirts that Tobin loves on her and she’s holding a mug of tea in her hands but she still looks cold.

Tobin’s apartment doesn’t have much of a view, just a couple buildings and some trees, but Christen is looking out over it as if it’s the only thing in the world. She doesn’t look up when Tobin steps out. For a second, Tobin just stands there awkwardly. It's weird because Tobin is the quiet one. Christen isn’t super talkative by any means but she usually is the one to greet Tobin first. Tobin prefers to say hi with a kiss or a hug or just a simple touch to her lower back. But she doesn’t feel like she can touch her right now. Even though Christen is just a couple feet away, it feels like miles.

“Are you okay?” Tobin asks quietly.

Christen doesn’t answer. She just continues to stare out over the balcony. Tobin starts to count her own heartbeats because she can hear them in her ears. Each moment Christen is silent, Tobin’s heart picks up the pace a little.

All of a sudden, Tobin is very sure she’s going to be broken up with. There’s no reason for her to think that really, and it’s not something that she would normally worry about but Christen is being too quiet and Tobin has never seen her like this before.

“Christen?”

Christen turns to look at her and Tobin is struck by the fact that her eyes are glittering with tears threatening to flow over. Tobin kneels at her side with a hand on her knee so that she can look up at her when Christen ducks her head.

“What’s going on?”

Christen lets out a soft sob and Tobin’s fingers clench reflexively on her knee.

“I don’t get it,” Christen whispers.

“What? What don’t you get?”

Christen looks back up at her and her green eyes are beautiful despite or maybe because of the tears.

“Why me?”

Tobin blinks. She tries to think about the past few days, tries to find any sort of hint as to what Christen might be talking about.

“Tobin, why did you choose me?”

And all of sudden, it hits her. And she hates herself for not expecting this, for not preparing for it. Because she knows about Christen’s insecurities. About everything from soccer to her writing to her body to her family. Of course she would have insecurities about them. 

It’s still mind blowing to Tobin, though, that Christen is insecure about anything. She knows it’s irrational. She knows that it’s just in Christen’s nature to find every flaw and pick at it and analyze it until it’s the only thing she sees. But when Tobin looks at Christen she sees only the best parts of her and she hates that Christen can’t see them too.

Tobin isn’t a words person, but she knows that a hug and a kiss aren’t going to cut it here so she takes a few breaths to ground herself and then starts to talk and just  _ hopes _ that what comes out is right.

“I didn’t choose you, Chris. It’s not like that. I met you and it was inevitable. I was always going to fall for you.”

Christen bites her lower lip and Tobin smiles up at her.

“You’re perfect-” Christen shakes her head violently and Tobin has to put her hand on her cheek, firmly to stop her. “You are. You’re perfect for me.”

Christen stills but Tobin doesn’t move her hand.

“I struggled… for a long time with my faith and my sexuality. And it took a lot of praying and asking and finally, I decided that God would never have made me like this if it was wrong, you know? But sometimes, I had my doubts, along the way because I don’t know His plan and what He wants from me. How can I? But that all went away when I met you, because how could He have created you and not known that the moment I met you, I would fall in love. If loving women, loving _you,_  wasn't in His plan, then why would he have made you so perfect for me.”

Christen sobs again but it’s not the same broken sob as earlier. It's one of relief.

“I love you, Chris. I love you because you’re so good. You love everything so much. Nature, animals, plants, your dogs, your family, your team, soccer. You even love your opponents because they give you a chance to test yourself. You love challenges. You love Alex even when she’s being mean and competitive. You are so good at finding the beauty and the value in everything. Except yourself. And I think you were brought to me, to teach me to love not just soccer and my family and God, but everyone and everything. And I think that maybe I was brought to you so that I could teach you to love yourself. So listen to me and believe me, because I would never lie to you about this. You are the best, kindest, most caring, and most gorgeous person I have ever met. And that’s why I love you.”

Christen leans forward and kisses Tobin hard but slow and Tobin doesn’t hesitate to respond. Christen’s cheeks and lips are wet from her tears but Tobin doesn’t mind. She hardly even notices.

“I love you. I love you. I love you so much,” Christen mumbles in between kisses. It has Tobin gasping and trying to respond even as Christen covers her lips with her own.

Eventually, they pull apart, lips raw and swollen and gasping for breath. Christen smiles a watery smile.

“You’re amazing,” she says. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”


End file.
